Profile.
This guy above jumping like one gay dude is my bottom line for everything in my life, which includes my future and all. Don't really think you wanna toe on it because you might find your feet missing mysteriously after doing so. Well, again, I am one to be messed around with because I am pretty harmless. I am pursuing Mass Communications currently & I don't see why you can't be my friend because I certainly love making friends! :) Told you I'm this harmless friendly ugly blob of fat ^^
TVXQ, Five treasures & Jaypark are absolutely ♥
Yang Yoseob, Kim Heechul, CNBlue Lee Jonghyun, JoonMir, SHINee Kim Jonghyun.
Links.
Facts.
- i am a 80% cassiopeia & a 5% primadonna & 5% BOICE & 5%Petals & 3%B2UTY & 2%Jaywalker
- i am afraid of anything that's inhumanly, esp cockroaches
- i hate white chocolates
- i want to marry xiahkimjunsu
- my moodswings comes and goes
- i love to bitch a lot
- i think dance is cool
- i love guys with a charming smile and nice nose
- i don't like fakers
- i want to travel, a lot.
- i can draw
- i am extremely lazy
- i am very impatient
- i wanna be skinny
- i love my blackberry
to be continued....
Rewind.
Credits.
Declaration.
I don't need anyone to judge me. Be it you being unhappy or disagree with what I write here, you can just chew on your fingers and close the damned windows and start a msn conversation to bitch about me. But let me remind you, those phases? I've been through more than you say "fuck this bitch" and karma goes around, and comes around :)
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Date: Thursday, July 8, 2010 Time: 8:29 AM The predicted phase that everyone goes through
I was tuitioning my student, getting angry at her because she puts in very little effort into her work. When she is rushing for time, she doesn't even have the time to watch the damned TV. Now I know how my teachers felt towards me since I was half like her. I thought I grew up a lot. But actually, I didn't. Only recently, self-realization tells me how childish and immature I had been. We all thought Singapore has the freedom of speech, but actually not. Who do you know might come across this blog out of nothing and kicks up a damned fuss? Who really knows. But please respect that this is my own private space and whatever that you dislike to read, you may choose to blind it out and maybe shut your trap and quit yakking away. I don't really care about people talking about me anymore, you know why? The biggest loser is not the one who doesn't defends herself but is the one who tries to act defensive. I don't have a goddamned huge heart to contain every single mistakes my friends and family make towards me. I try to keep a positive mind towards everything now even if my heart is bitter. This is growing up, I realized. I never understood why adults would phrase "this sweet is bitter/the bread is sweet" because the taste comes from the heart, not from the tastebud. I realized I had been naive all along. Thinking people whom really cares about me really cares, but those who does it in their hearts, only showed in actions. I feel guilty now. I hate myself for doing things that cannot be turned back. I know myself too well. I cannot stand a little scratch in the entire painting because I would re-do until everything is perfect. I hate myself for being unable to present a honest & scarred me in front of the people I love. I hate myself for not being able to accept humans' mistakes because I'm this perfectionist towards people around me. I hate myself for stressing people around me to be perfect(although no one is, including myself). The things I should probably do now is to change myself. Mass Communication = Putting on a poker face forever in life for work. You cannot deny that. Which means, I'll be the fake person 3 years ago. I started being true to my emotions when I was 17. Because I realized I couldn't please everyone on earth, I feel sad/sick. Why is it that even when I try my hardest, there are still people who doesn't understand my efforts? I began to drift away from people I love and stuck on to the fandom world. Because that's where the world is perfect. Looks, vocals, dance, talents, everything was in a NeverendingLand. It was so perfect I refused to look at the reality with my eyes anymore. I thought I could live in it forever. Reality hit me in Thailand, when I was stalking FT in hotel. I saw how relax Hong was when he walked into the lounge and greeted us back. Why are we being so uptight about people who doesn't even gives a shit about us & not even knowing what our names are? Simply because they relieves our stress and we love their "behaviour", be it real or fake. But you do not relieve yourself from stress in life all the time. If I were going to live for 60 years, I don't want to be kissing Junsu, Heechul, Jonghyun, Yoseob, Kikwang, Dongwoon, Seunghyun, Jaypark butts' for life! They deserve their space(&fame duh) and I deserve my life. I like them all nevertheless, but I don't want to base my life on them anymore. Although Junsu will forever be an exception, sigh, he is such a dear family to me that I doubt I can ever unattached myself from him for life already. What a long self realization post. I had more, I'll keep it til the next time. Til then, to whom might be reading this. Get offended and out of here or agree/close an eye on this. |